Meet Us

Jennifer Soos is co-founder, group facilitator and HOPE Mentor for the MISS Foundation/San Antonio chapter; she is mother to Lincoln, born in 2006, Whitman, born in 2009 and their big brother, Wheeler Wood, who watches from above.

In 2004, Jennifer’s life was forever altered when her first son was stillborn at full-term after what seemed like a normal, healthy pregnancy. She was surprised to find that, in spite of her work as a Marriage and Family Therapist, nothing could really prepare her to walk the complicated grief journey suddenly in front of her. Living in Seattle at the time, it was very difficult to be so far away from her family in Texas.

She was grateful to find the MISS Foundation and be able to connect with others who could understand some of what she was experiencing. Upon returning to Texas in 2005, she was determined to provide that same kind of support to families who also find themselves on this unwanted journey.

She considers it an honor when a family shares the story of their child with her… and also the way in which she continues to be part of Wheeler’s legacy and the lessons he continues to teach her. For Jennifer’s full story, see below.

Nicole Visser is co-founder and HOPE Mentor for the MISS Foundation/San Antonio chapter; she is mother to Hailey, Kyle, and Logan and three children who have wings. Nicole has experienced a miscarriage (10 weeks,) an ectopic pregnancy, and the stillbirth of son Ryan at 27 weeks, due to a cord accident. As someone who always considered herself able to find the positive in most situations, everything she believed was tested when Ryan died in 2004. Although her family and friends were supportive, they really couldn’t understand the pain of her various losses. She found herself reaching out to others with similar stories for advice and comfort.

Nicole found the MISS Foundation late one night when the pain and loneliness were overwhelming. It gave her strength knowing others had stories so similar to her own. Although it didn’t take away the pain, it helped her face life one day at a time. Through MISS, Nicole was able to work through her grief and learn how to incorporate it into her daily life. Nicole met Jennifer Soos through MISS and they started the San Antonio Chapter together in 2006. Nicole feels she has finally found something positive in her loss by being able to provide support to other families. For Nicole’s full story, see below.

In Their Own Words…

Jennifer: In 2003, I was pregnant for the first time and had what I thought to be a normal and healthy pregnancy – except for being sick for more than 7 months! In February of 2004 I was at my very last doctor’s appointment – it was the day before my maternity leave started and only a few days before my due date. In the waiting room before my appointment the baby had been moving quite a bit – enough to ruffle the pages of the magazine I was reading. I certainly didn’t think there was any cause for alarm when the doctor seemed to have trouble locating the heartbeat with the little Doppler device. He was talking to me about when we would induce delivery if I went past my due date or if my blood pressure elevated any more…he seemed to get a little distracted by not being able to find the heartbeat and he asked me to turn onto my side. That did not produce any better results. He said he was going to get an ultrasound machine and when he returned his nurse was with him. She put her hand on my shoulder as he set up the machine – that was my first indication that something might be wrong. I will never forget that image as long as I live – that gray and black and white photo of my baby, so perfect and so very silent and still. I have a vague recollection of his instructions to call my husband, to go to the hospital where someone would be waiting for me…in fact, I think his nurse took me to the hospital herself. None of it seemed real. After all, I had a freshly-painted, newly-completed nursery at home and only one day of work left and a house full of baby things like bouncy chairs and bottles…even as I arrived at the hospital I was still certain that the machine must have been broken. After the radiologist visited with his larger, more impressive ultrasound machine and I saw that still, quiet image of my baby for the second time…the reality of what was happening started to edge its way into my mind. Someone asked me if I wanted to know what the baby was – boy or girl. I said, “No, we want to wait until delivery.” Perhaps if the delivery could still bring us surprises, it could bring miracles, too.

Seventeen hours of labor later, my son, Wheeler Wood, was delivered – quiet and still. He was perfect and beautiful and it was hard for me to grasp that he wasn’t just asleep. No one was able to offer any explanation to us at the time. An autopsy revealed that he was perfect right down to the microscopic level. It is beyond surreal to discover that your child is, in fact, healthy and perfectly formed by way of an autopsy report. And I remember very clearly right after the delivery, once our son had been cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket, my doctor took a deep breath and said, “Now the hard part begins.” Those were probably the truest words anyone had spoken yet.

The weeks and months that followed were some of the worst in my life and I thought the roller coaster would never end. I found the MISS Foundation online in the middle of the night, crying and convinced I was going crazy. In a matter of moments I didn’t feel quite so alone, or quite so crazy. Since I am a marriage and family therapist it seemed to me I should be able to figure this out…I knew the theories and the statistics and how important support could be. Yet, that was not the case at all. All my training and practice was no substitute for connecting with other people who could understand some of what I was going through. There were several elements that were important to my journey over the following years – MISS Foundation was a huge part of it. I will forever be grateful for the connections I made and the opportunity I now have to give back. My son only lived for a short time on this earth with me, but his legacy continues through me and that is a tremendous privilege.

I strongly encourage anyone who is still reading this to call or email in spite of your fear or sadness or confusion about what you would even say. If it feels too overwhelming to have a conversation about this right now, write to me and simply ask me for a copy of my journal entries following Wheeler’s death. It is an easier way to feel like someone can understand you without having to share anything yourself. Many women have shared with me how helpful it was to just be able to read someone else’s words and not feel quite so lonely. You don’t have to walk this path alone.

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Nicole: I got married in 2001 and my first pregnancy ended at 10 weeks with a miscarriage. My second was an ectopic pregnancy that wasn’t discovered until 12 weeks and it caused a lot of damage. My daughter Hailey was born the following year in 2003. Because of my complicated history, my husband, Jack, and I decided to start trying right away for another child. Hailey was 6 months old when we were successful at getting pregnant. The pregnancy seemed great and the baby was growing fast. At 27 weeks I realized that I hadn’t felt the baby move for a day or two, but thought I had just been too busy chasing a 1-year-old around to really notice. After several more days, it was obvious that something was wrong. I went to the emergency room only to see my baby on the sonogram machine without a heartbeat. It was that exact moment that my life changed and nothing would ever be the same again. After 20 hours of labor, Ryan was born and it was determined that his death was caused by an umbilical cord accident. The cord had exploded when it formed in the womb and attached to his foot and both of his legs.

I consider myself able to find the positive it most situations, however, with Ryan’s death, everything I believed in was being tested. Although my family and friends were supportive, they really couldn’t understand the pain of losing a child. I found myself reaching out to others with similar stories for advice and comfort. I found MISS late one night when the pain and loneliness were overwhelming and discovered great support and solace from the website and the forums. It gave me strength knowing others had stories that were so similar to my own. Although it didn’t take away the pain, it helped me to face life one day at a time. Through MISS, I was able to work through my grief and learn how to incorporate it into my daily life. Three months later, I became pregnant with our son Kyle and then Logan was born in 2007. The subsequent pregnancies went very well, except, of course, for the overwhelming fear of losing another baby.

I do feel that I have finally found something positive in my losses by being able to provide support to other families. No one should walk this path alone.